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Some people run triathlons; some people climb mountains. I conduct search and recovery missions. In my house.
Our 90-year-old home, aka the Love Shack, has much charm and zero storage. It has just four closets plus a dilapidated metal shed in the backyard. Since the yard is Snake Central, and the only barrier between said snakes and the contents of the shed is a ratty old tarp, I don’t go there. Ever.
Our 90-year-old home, aka the Love Shack, has much charm and zero storage. It has just four closets plus a dilapidated metal shed in the backyard. Since the yard is Snake Central, and the only barrier between said snakes and the contents of the shed is a ratty old tarp, I don’t go there. Ever.
As Tom Petty says, the waiting is the hardest part. But sometimes that wait makes the moment of truth that much more delicious.
I had no way of knowing it was going to be such a brutal summer back in April when I first happened upon the website for this quaint cabin in the mountains above Maggie Valley. I only knew we wanted to go somewhere different – and far away – for our vacation/anniversary week, and we wanted to take our furry four-legged children with us. A family holiday, as it were.
I had no way of knowing it was going to be such a brutal summer back in April when I first happened upon the website for this quaint cabin in the mountains above Maggie Valley. I only knew we wanted to go somewhere different – and far away – for our vacation/anniversary week, and we wanted to take our furry four-legged children with us. A family holiday, as it were.
I hate bugs.
Bugs drive me crazy, and yes, I know that’s one of those really short drives, like to the end of the driveway and back.
Bugs drive me crazy, and yes, I know that’s one of those really short drives, like to the end of the driveway and back.
I will be long gone. Out of sight, out of mind, and not a moment too soon.
It’s vacation time, and when it comes to my time off, I’m very old school. Simply stated, I’m not available. To anyone. For any reason. Period.
It’s vacation time, and when it comes to my time off, I’m very old school. Simply stated, I’m not available. To anyone. For any reason. Period.
There are two things you should never do: One is go shopping when you are hungry. The second is go shopping when you are hot.
I walk out of Walmart $109.40 poorer and I have among my purchases: (3) fans, (20) pairs of socks, (2) lightweight t-shirts, (6) pairs of lightweight underdrawers, (1) one-gallon pitcher with which to make a refreshing ice-cold beverage to fill my water bottles with, (1) pair of lightweight shorts that after trying on I cannot wear out in public unless I want to show everybody just exactly what the stork saw.
I walk out of Walmart $109.40 poorer and I have among my purchases: (3) fans, (20) pairs of socks, (2) lightweight t-shirts, (6) pairs of lightweight underdrawers, (1) one-gallon pitcher with which to make a refreshing ice-cold beverage to fill my water bottles with, (1) pair of lightweight shorts that after trying on I cannot wear out in public unless I want to show everybody just exactly what the stork saw.
Kids are—or were--getting sick from pet food.
I believe it; I’ve sampled a Milk-Bone or two in my time.
I believe it; I’ve sampled a Milk-Bone or two in my time.
I’m reading a terrific book, Craig Nelson’s “Rocket Men,” which is the story of the race to the moon.
The irony that strikes me is, I’m really enjoying turning pages in a great big bard-backed 400 something page tome, not squinting at it on a computer screen, Kindle, or smartphone, none of which we could so effortlessly take for granted if it had not been for the Apollo program.
The irony that strikes me is, I’m really enjoying turning pages in a great big bard-backed 400 something page tome, not squinting at it on a computer screen, Kindle, or smartphone, none of which we could so effortlessly take for granted if it had not been for the Apollo program.
They say using a cell phone will fry your brain.
I’m sure everyone who walks around all day with a cell phone attached to his or her ear has heard this once or twice from either a spouse or parent. I can hear it now.
I’m sure everyone who walks around all day with a cell phone attached to his or her ear has heard this once or twice from either a spouse or parent. I can hear it now.
It still may be, for all I know, but I don’t know because I can’t remember the last time I actually licked my fingers.
And that’s because I’ve morphed into a walking, talking germ-o-phobe. Howard Hughes has nuthin’ on me.
And that’s because I’ve morphed into a walking, talking germ-o-phobe. Howard Hughes has nuthin’ on me.
Do you ever get the feeling that we are living in a game show?
It’s pretty easy to see, if you think about it. On TV, the tacky Middle American shlubs spin the wheel or press the button or otherwise cavort foolishly in the hopes of winning some grand booby prize. Soon, they wake up with cruddy prizes they can’t afford to keep.
It’s pretty easy to see, if you think about it. On TV, the tacky Middle American shlubs spin the wheel or press the button or otherwise cavort foolishly in the hopes of winning some grand booby prize. Soon, they wake up with cruddy prizes they can’t afford to keep.
It must have been a slow business news cycle for the folks at Business Week.
Last week they published a report announcing the Top 20 Laziest States in the U.S., and in that report South Carolina was voted the eighth laziest state in America.
Last week they published a report announcing the Top 20 Laziest States in the U.S., and in that report South Carolina was voted the eighth laziest state in America.
When I was a child, my mother loved spring cleaning. In fact, she enjoyed cleaning anytime, anywhere. Even when she visited other people’s houses, she’d casually pick up a washrag and a can of Comet and take a swipe at the kitchen sink. Most folks were either too stunned or grateful to protest.
Mama loved being a housewife. She’d hum while beating rugs, and dance in the kitchen while waxing the floor. (I can still recall the soapy, industrial scent of Future floor wax—“for a tough shine that stands up to scuff marks!”)
Mama loved being a housewife. She’d hum while beating rugs, and dance in the kitchen while waxing the floor. (I can still recall the soapy, industrial scent of Future floor wax—“for a tough shine that stands up to scuff marks!”)
The late, great Will Rogers once said that if there were no dogs in heaven, when he died, he wanted to go wherever they were.
Amen, Will. There is no place worthy of the name “Heaven” that would deign to keep our furry friends outside the gates, pearly or otherwise.
Amen, Will. There is no place worthy of the name “Heaven” that would deign to keep our furry friends outside the gates, pearly or otherwise.
This summer I started a project called “I Wonder Why.”
Each time I was presented with a moment that made me pensively scratch my head and say, “I wonder why … ” I wrote it down here.
Each time I was presented with a moment that made me pensively scratch my head and say, “I wonder why … ” I wrote it down here.
British scientists claim to have finally solved an age-old conundrum: Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
After studying clues such as biogenetic markers and chemical enzymes, they announced their findings. (Cue drum roll.) The chicken came first, they say.
After studying clues such as biogenetic markers and chemical enzymes, they announced their findings. (Cue drum roll.) The chicken came first, they say.
I can remember laughing at my niece and nephew not too many years ago.
We had gathered for the holidays at my mother’s house in Camden. The kids were not quite in their teens, but already enjoyed overloaded social lives. This was a couple of years before it became federal law that every person in America above the age of three had to have a cell phone surgically implanted in their faces, the better to talk during movies, concerts, and funeral eulogies. But the days of rotary phones were long gone. No one had those.
We had gathered for the holidays at my mother’s house in Camden. The kids were not quite in their teens, but already enjoyed overloaded social lives. This was a couple of years before it became federal law that every person in America above the age of three had to have a cell phone surgically implanted in their faces, the better to talk during movies, concerts, and funeral eulogies. But the days of rotary phones were long gone. No one had those.
Coffee…
Must… have… coffee…
Must… have… coffee…
Yesterday I saw a woman in Publix who looked suspicious, by which I mean she seemed awfully serene for someone buying $200 worth of groceries at 6 p.m.
She didn’t look the least bit rushed or anxious. In fact, she was nodding her head and smiling slightly.
She didn’t look the least bit rushed or anxious. In fact, she was nodding her head and smiling slightly.
It’s a loaded question, one that, if you live in the Carolinas, you ask yourself quite a bit as a matter of course. Or maybe not, maybe I just ask myself such things as a matter of course because I’m one of those weirdoes who likes to talk to himself.
Nonetheless, I have a difficult time deciding such things. I’m naturally drawn to – and have spent a good portion of my life near – the ocean. I love the waves, the rhythm of the sea, the textured pastels of water and sunlight meeting at world’s end. I love the feeling of warm sand and cool breeze and hot sun and cooling waters. Dolphins at play in the spring and panicked bait fish exploding from turbulent waters in the fall.
Nonetheless, I have a difficult time deciding such things. I’m naturally drawn to – and have spent a good portion of my life near – the ocean. I love the waves, the rhythm of the sea, the textured pastels of water and sunlight meeting at world’s end. I love the feeling of warm sand and cool breeze and hot sun and cooling waters. Dolphins at play in the spring and panicked bait fish exploding from turbulent waters in the fall.
I read something this morning that made me cringe. A phrase: Play Date.
Who invented that anyway?
Who invented that anyway?
I spent some time with one of my oldest friends last week. Well, she’s not the oldest—that honor goes to an 80-year-old lady who makes me laugh like a jackass—but she’s been my friend since high school, so that’d be… let’s see… 32 years.
We sat up giggling half the night, having what my husband calls a “hen party.”
We sat up giggling half the night, having what my husband calls a “hen party.”
So I was reading this article the other day about UFOs. It was pretty funny – obviously the writer is not a believer in flying saucers and crop circles – and he snarkily derided everything from the Roswell incident to the Hill kidnapping. But what I found truly amusing was the number of comments castigating the writer for expressing such heresy.
Nearly all the faithful believe – with the exact same fervor of the average Jihadist – that aliens walk among us and anyone who believes otherwise should be shackled to a Barco-lounger and forced to watch that great documentary, “Men in Black.”
Nearly all the faithful believe – with the exact same fervor of the average Jihadist – that aliens walk among us and anyone who believes otherwise should be shackled to a Barco-lounger and forced to watch that great documentary, “Men in Black.”
I cleaned off my desk today.
Here are some of the things I found.
Here are some of the things I found.
I hate hot weather. Thus far this summer, I’ve had plenty to hate.
Numerous transplanted Northerners have told me, “Broiling like a pig on a spit is still better than being snowed in from October to April.”
Numerous transplanted Northerners have told me, “Broiling like a pig on a spit is still better than being snowed in from October to April.”
Ah, summer holidays! Time once again for that most holy of holies, the family vacation.
I think the word vacation is derived from two ancient Etruscan words, “vay” – a long journey – and “cation” which, loosely translated, means, “to the far side of hell.”
I think the word vacation is derived from two ancient Etruscan words, “vay” – a long journey – and “cation” which, loosely translated, means, “to the far side of hell.”
It’s hot. Too hot.
Come on people, this is ridiculous. What am I supposed to do with a 114-degree heat index? I don’t even know what that means.
Come on people, this is ridiculous. What am I supposed to do with a 114-degree heat index? I don’t even know what that means.
So, Sullivan’s Island is going to outlaw hooting, whistling, singing or hollering in the street.
Somewhere, my father is laughing. (Well, smiling broadly. He only laughed about three times in the 26 years I knew him.)
Somewhere, my father is laughing. (Well, smiling broadly. He only laughed about three times in the 26 years I knew him.)
Occasionally, there are times when one just runs out of things to say.
That’s not necessarily a bad thing. After all, Confucius, or was it Mark Twain, said, “It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”
That’s not necessarily a bad thing. After all, Confucius, or was it Mark Twain, said, “It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”
As the developer for the Bi-Lo Center at Tanner Plantation in Hanahan, it was my responsibility to insure the traffic signal at the intersection of North Rhett and Tanner Ford Blvd. was operational at the time the new store opened. There were too many months and too many roadblocks to mention, and I believe I would never have accomplished this task without the support, aid and assistance from Henry Brown and his dedicated staff.
He worked with me for almost one year to insure that this important job was completed. I wanted to give credit to Henry for making this signalization at this intersection a reality.
He worked with me for almost one year to insure that this important job was completed. I wanted to give credit to Henry for making this signalization at this intersection a reality.
I cringe every time I hear the name.
LEGO.
LEGO.
The Hubster is going to sell the sailboat he’s diligently been rebuilding for what seems like most of our lives.
Has he given up the notion of sailing?
Has he given up the notion of sailing?
So, a new study has found that short people a 50 percent higher risk of having a heart attack or dying from one, compared to taller people.
While weight, blood pressure and smoking remain important factors, shortness is now, apparently, a risk factor.
While weight, blood pressure and smoking remain important factors, shortness is now, apparently, a risk factor.
When I was a kid, report card time always included comments like, “Doesn’t pay attention to detail,” or “Has problems completing assignments on time,” or better yet, “Lacks motivation and drive.”
In other words I was half-witted, slow-witted, and lazy. You can’t say that today, though.
In other words I was half-witted, slow-witted, and lazy. You can’t say that today, though.
As everyone knows by now, Al and Tipper Gore have separated after 40 years of marriage. And the question on everyone’s lips (okay, mine) is: Why? After 40 years, four kids and grandkids, what could be so bad you can’t live with it another day?
I have my theories. (I always have my theories.) Saying Al is a tad uptight is like saying Joe Friday was somewhat deadpan, but Tipper has always seemed pretty hip.?She had a feud with Frank Zappa when she fought to put warning labels on albums with “adult” lyrics, but after his death she became friends with his widow, Gail, and played drums on his daughter Diva’s album. That’s cool.
I have my theories. (I always have my theories.) Saying Al is a tad uptight is like saying Joe Friday was somewhat deadpan, but Tipper has always seemed pretty hip.?She had a feud with Frank Zappa when she fought to put warning labels on albums with “adult” lyrics, but after his death she became friends with his widow, Gail, and played drums on his daughter Diva’s album. That’s cool.
Remember that early 80s movie “Top Secret?” It was a sleeper, brought to us by the zany folks who made such masterpieces as “Airplane!” and “Kentucky Fried Movie.”
Here was a classic line:
Here was a classic line:
